just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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