just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
