Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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