he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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