Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
