So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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