dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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