Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
