apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
