She announced her abortion via fbk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
