Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
