hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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