I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
