woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
