She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
