The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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