My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
