she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this beer tastes like vomit already
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
