I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
