This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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