her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
