The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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