I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
