Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
