3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
