As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
