he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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