I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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