I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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