Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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