Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize