Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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