Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
