I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
