Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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