That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Someone came in the potted fern
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
