I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
