On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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