last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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