i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize