Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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