So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
