i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
