I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
