I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize