God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
