The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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