why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
