Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
