my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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