Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
