You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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