If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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