Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
