Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
