If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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