and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
