Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
