So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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