The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
