Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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