He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
