pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
