I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize