All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
