Plan B is the new Plan A
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
