It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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