your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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