It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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